Voids. Insecurities. Holes. Fulfillment.
I’ve been feeling unfulfilled lately. I’m not the only one. One of my friends is in grad school while in two epic-sounding internships following her passion for historic preservation and yet she says she does not feel fulfilled in anything she’s doing right now too.
One of my other friends makes bank in the food and beverage industry and she alluded to me last week that she is looking for something new because she’s ready to use her gifts elsewhere because her current workplace is not a place that naturally invites that.
I haven’t written anything in a week. Maybe this is why I’m empty!! Anyway, I’ve never achieved a successful title like my entire family has, which does not help my massive void. I have not attained a “professional” career before, a title that so-called “matters”. A 9 to 5 job that gives you security and into being approved by those who make up society. Sometimes I put society into a box when I really mean, family. HA. Most of my family members are extremely successful, nurses, businessmen and women, architects, and they are damn good at their jobs let me tell you. I, on the other hand, have never fit that one title for 20 years’ gig. So you can say I’ve felt like a bit of an outsider most of my life.
Yet, here’s the strange part…
Not only am I writing every week, but I’m helping my husband run his coffee business, meaning I’m hiring employees, managing staff, and generating leads for wholesale accounts. Not to mention giving guidance to Ross when he asks and needs it after a hard day at work. Yet, I still feel like I’m nothing. I still feel like I’m doing nothing, that I am a lazy chick just blowing in the wind. Unfulfilled to the max.
Sure, I’m not working 40 hour work weeks. Sure, I don’t have an official title to my name. But no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, no matter, if I’m working for someone or people, who are working for me, I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough. Raise your hand if you relate?
Fulfilled. What is it? Satisfied or happy because of fully developing one’s abilities.
Unfulfilled. What is that? Not carried out or brought to completion.
We have to categorize here. You could feel fulfilled in your relationship check. You could feel fulfilled in your spiritual life- check. You could feel fulfilled in your career- an empty box. Of course, I say “you” here, but both you and I really know we’re talking about me. The area of my professional life is empty, though I’m sort of doing everything I’ve wanted to dabble in and try. Leading and writing.
Even that being so, then why do I often feel so unvalued? Because I have not conformed to a set schedule and a set title and a salary. I work in the land of the unknown and of the grey.
You see, the world has created too high of an expectation for its humans. Society places most of its value on careers in this day in age. And if you don’t have a high title or a set schedule, or work in a hospital or an office then the world tells you you are simply not good enough. You are not valued and needed. You are not capable of being a real adult.
The world has programmed us to think so narrow-mindedly and as a result, it leaves us feeling insecure and uncomfortable with ourselves, thus manifesting in anxiety and stress and lack of sleep and bad habits and so on until we spiral into a mental state that we never thought we’d ever roll into.
Who created this absurd and unwritten law that you are seen and valued only if you succumb to such specific rules like hours, salary, and title? I hear it all the time and each time I do hear it, my hole gets bigger and bigger.
“Oh yea, she’s super happy now because she just loves her job.”
“He’s making so much money. He’s doing so well for himself.”
“She’s never had a real job, so she just doesn’t know what she wants.” What the eff is a real job in yo eyes, fool?
I mean it’s constant. The pressure to achieve success is so high, so specified, and almost so unreachable these days that it’s creating a more insecure generation and I feel like a piece of the puzzle myself. What a shame it is that we are passively being told we are not good enough and not the reason the earth goes ‘round.
So what can we do?
If you do have a known title and a good salary, I’ll refrain from any jealous feelings and replace them with being happy for you. However, if you feel superior to others who don’t earn a living as you do, I’d say begin to train your brain oppositely. If you find those thoughts creeping, in turn, your focus onto the good qualities of the individual. What do you love about them? What do you admire about their work? Build them up, give them opportunities to cultivate their gifts and abilities. Maybe you are the one they are waiting on. Maybe you could be the first person to tell your sister or your friend that they are totally valued as a whole person despite their position at work. The more you tell people they are valued, the more likely they will feel confident enough to tackle the impossible.
If you relate to me and walk around with the deviled voice of “you’re not good enough and not capable” all the time, hear me out. You are not alone. Never having a long-standing and professionally titled career myself haunts me more often than I’d like to admit to.
First, acknowledge this is an insecurity of yours. Second, be careful to conform to what the world wants for the wrong reasons. It is essential to be a light in the world and sometimes that means going against the herd. It hurts. I’m finding that out. But I trust that the pain will be mended and you will see it all come to fruition in a moment’s time. Third, be patient. If the desire for a professional career is out of the motivation of a title to give you value, look deeper and ask yourself why. This is usually where I get stuck. But if your desire is strictly out of the motivation to unearth your gifts and mend the world, I can almost promise you that this desire will be satisfied someday.
Let us, you and I, go forth and continue to dive deeper into these societal pressures that hurt us and see where this deconstructing journey takes us. Take heart. I think it may already be taking us somewhere together.
This my friend, is diving deeper into the makeup of my honest and insomniac mind.
XOXO,
Kelly Jett