As much as I do not want to talk about covid… at all, anymore, ever again and oh how I wish that this would aa just go away. But it’s not, it’s still here and we’re still talking about it. So instead of me being hypocritical again like in the last post, I’ve decided to open up the conversation instead of passively ignoring it even though it’s really easy for me to ignore it right now since I do live in the little bubble of Charleston. I have not explicitly told you where I stand with covid, though I’ve only dropped hints. Well, it’s time to be honest. Not so you learn more about me, but so that we can learn to open up conversations that are uncomfortable.
I just got off the phone with my lovely Dad. We were doing the normal weekly catch-up when he told me someone we know and loved very much has covid. I first reacted in an ignorant and stupid way that signified that I myself am part of this political problem. Where was my compassion? I do admit that I introduced the porcupine spines into the conversation, yes, I started it and not in a gentle way I plan on encouraging you to do.
Rightfully so, he responded with a slight aggression in his voice, “I know you don’t believe in the vaccines...!!!” I felt the tension begin to replicate, thus pushing my Dad and I back to a place we once were a few years ago… at an arms length. But because of grace, we have beautifully worked through our hurt and disagreements and have come to such a warm place in our relationship where it’s better than ever right now. I adore him. He is a one of a kind, incredible father, adventurous spirit, professional businessman who places his family above anything. How could you not adore someone like that?!
Anyway, his response triggered me back to those hard days where I felt shut down and unheard and in despair. But as we quickly changed subjects too nervous of the enemy of conflict, a thought flooded my body and I just couldn’t shake it off. I listened to it and returned back to the conflicting topic we started on by apologizing for the fact I laughed about someone having it. Again, I know. Who does that? (I still can’t believe that came out of my heart). He accepted the apology and then I dove deeper into the topic because I was like eff it, we’ve come this far in our relationship and this conversation I can and should voice myself now why not?
So I added, “I just felt shut down when you replied in the way you did. I feel like that’s why everything is politicized and heated nowadays is because people won’t genuinely open this conversation up or even ask about someone else’s reasoning.”
And then just like that, I saw my own father’s heart soften and his mind open.
He gently replies, “You’re right we should. So, yeah, why aren’t you vaccinated?”
He was curious and truly wanted to know. I don’t think things were matching up in his head before this conversation which I can understand. He loves me, him and I are in such a good place, he’s seen me grow into a more secure adult, I’m married to a wise man, and overall he just loves us to pieces. He loves us so much that I think it’s been hard for him to be okay with me deciding not to follow the path the rest of the world has taken. So because he asked out of a place of curiosity and not attack, I told him. So I’ll tell you.
First, let me start out in that I am not an “anti-vaxxer”. I am glad my Dad and other family members got the vaccine, for the reason that my Dad is over 60 and has a higher risk in things going sour without the shot. He travels a lot for work and trips which means he is more at risk, so it was wise that he got it. Let me emphasize this again, I think it is good and understandable why people above 60 get the shot. It’s good that people with co-morbidities got the shot. It lowers their risk of dying and that is also good. I don’t think the shot is out to kill off the human species maybe like some people are inquiring. Of course I’ve had that apocalyptic thought, but there is no way that’s true. But as for my age group, I am young and healthy and my immune system happens to be at its peak right now. Most people in their 20’s and 30’s are in great shape, meaning their bodies have been made to kill of viruses like covid. Some of my friends have had it and they all have healed quickly from it, no different from the flu in my eyes. All that is to say, the vaccine does serve a purpose in slowing the death rate down. This is good.
On the other hand, I remember sitting in my public health class in college (yes I have a public health degree and am not vaccinated, one of my coworkers found that funny) learning about the process in how the FDA approves new vaccines. They have to go through 4 phases until approved and pushed out into the public. From what I have read, the vaccines that came out in Feb. of 2021 went through two phases only, then were pushed out to the world. I see a drastic difference than other vaccine developments like the Polio vaccine. Salk, the creator of it, took 8 years to perfect his science and make it safe for society. 8 years. The Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine came out in 6 months. Too soon for me. Brand new virus, brand new vaccine that was created in an artificial lab with artificial components that was not extracted from our natural earth. I will remain under the radar and off the train for that one. In addition, the media’s forceful nature on the vaccine led me away from it as well. Their headline came across accusatory and too biased toward one side which places my mind in a state of skepticism. I mean, they’re still pushing the “unvaccinated people are a bunch of killers” message. Like what?! That is downright cruel to place that assumption on millions of people. It’s even more cruel to put that line of thought into the brains of those who do follow these headlines. It just creates tension and war and damages close relationships. Quite frankly, it’s just downright disheartening.
Why are these institutions pushing things so hard? Why is the news so aggressive and biased about everything? What does the system of this process and the system of a public health corporation look like? Maybe that will give me the intel I need. Why are people becoming so aggressive toward one another? If this was 100% factual science like they’re saying, wouldn’t we all be friends? Is skepticism bad? No, it’s good to question and think outside the box. Why has something scientific been polarized in the first place? Why are people choosing isolation over socialization? Could it be that the damage of this pandemic will find its way to harm us more dramatically in the way of our psychological state instead of our physical? Don’t kids need each other, like recess, and playdates? Maybe I am being ignorant to everything like everyone thinks because no ones has brought this up to me? Am I wrong in all this? I just don’t trust a lot of what I’m seeing and hearing. Am I the only crazy one questioning all of these things? Is this ignorant for me to think that? I don’t want everyone to die what the heck!? Is it okay to stand for what I think even if it pisses people off? Am I pissing people off? Well, I don’t want to piss people off because I usually love people. Am I thinking for myself or am I taking on messaging from friends and family or my husband? Are these my own thoughts? What should I do with all of them? It only took me two years to write it all down on paper. HA.
The truth is, I don’t trust all of my rationalizations about covid and I am probably wrong in a many areas regarding my reasoning. In easier terms, okay it is likely I’m messing up left and right. But I will continue to follow strong intuitive signs, plus the science even though both keep changing rapidly.
Now for the hard, but necessary part of this piece. Let’s explore together some of the judgements I have faced… and my response to them.
“She’s an anti-vaxxer” - Wrong. I will vaccinate my child one day with the necessary ones for his/her safety. Anti-vaxxer means I am against all vaccinations. I’m not against all vaccines. Like I’ve already mentioned, I’m glad people above 60 and people at risk received the vaccine and are now safer than before.
“She is ignorant and doesn’t care about anyone around her” - For those of you reading this that know me, does this statement match up with how I interact with you?
“It is because she’s a crazy judgmental stuck-up Christian who thinks she’s invincible and only cares about herself” - Again. I ask you if this adds up with our relationship? (I hope not and if it does you better call me so I can apologize)
“It is because she is a Christian and Christians don’t believe in science” - We would be crazy and ignorant not to believe that science is real. Science is so real. It’s so tangible and gives us a foundation to teach and learn from which then allows us to grow and change in a positive direction as a human species. How could I not like science? I love it.
“She’s conservative now so she doesn’t believe anything liberals believe in and the liberals love the vaccine” - Wrong. I do not identify as a conservative. I do not identify as a liberal. I’m neither. Yet, I’m both.
I care tremendously about the beliefs and desires that liberals also have. Though I don’t call myself a feminist, I understand feminism and feminists. I have been sexually harassed and I’ve felt the anger other women have felt and wanted to use that anger for revenge. I get the women. I care for them. I’ve been there to a degree and empathize with them. I also care about this earth and keeping it fresh and clean. Remember when I was a crunchy hippie who loved backpacking and camping? That hasn’t changed, I still do. Heck, I even like that Joe Biden is being brave in making controversial moves as a President, though I do admit I do not make it a priority to follow him, nor politics as a whole. Spending my time on that just pushes me further down into the box I do not want to be in and essentially creates anxiety, restlessness, and anger inside of me and that is never bueno. I won’t get into the other side, conservative/republican whatever the heck you want to call it, but I love constructs over there as well.
Side note: I do want to make a point here that I’m sick and tired of faith being convoluted with politics. It’s a bunch of bull and we Christians need to quit mixing them up because we’re turning so many people away from the very loving Being we hope to share with others one day. Faith is about love, not about making people into projects and forcing beliefs on those who think differently… especially that of politics. More on this to come in later posts.
Anyway, if you’re reading this and feel guarded because I brought up faith, I understand. We as Christians can suck a lot of the time. And there are some wolves out there you may have already run into, I apologize on behalf of whoever that was. But I promise you there are some really cool, earthy people who believe in Jesus Christ that live really rad authentic lives. I’ve met a lot of them myself. I hope you do too one day. Like I said, believers don’t have it together any more so than non-believers. Yes, I profess my faith as a Christian. But I call myself a pretty bad one at that.
I have picked up on the fact that my some of my family do have me in a box that I’m some wacked out Christian that doesn’t believe in science and isn’t vaccinated because I’m stubborn and only believe in the unseen. There are some of those out, but I personally believe that science reveals us the facts we need to know. Science tells me a story. Part of me coming into my faith happened to be through my curiosity in outdoor science. Science and faith are not separate and I’m sorry for the Christian who once told you so. Science is miraculous. It’s revealing. It’s never-ending. It’s what makes this world so beautiful. It’s been a tool to make sense of so many things we otherwise cannot make sense of. Science is a gift and we should be curious about it.
All that being said, are the judgments listed in bold above true to my nature as Kelly Foley, now Kelly Jett? Are they true to how we have interacted the past 20 years? I hope in this case, that my actions would be able to kick those judgements hardcore out of your pool of thought. But that’s only for you to answer, I could have messed up our relationship years ago and be unaware of it.
My Dad on the other hand, was open and loving enough to come outside of his closed box. It’s like I witnessed him squashing any of those preconceived thoughts. How glorious is that. And as a result, a daughter felt heard and understood and loved by her father… all because he asked out of curiosity and not out of hate. That’s all it took. A question and a willingness to hear me out.
I’m telling you all, good conversation can happen around controversial topics, even covid, even with two people who have maneuvered through this pandemic very differently. Once you ask gently and out of curiosity and not waiting to attack, we can all get along again. We can all come back together again, I can feel it in my bones.
I am preaching this to myself as I know I have fallen just as short on this as everyone else… if not more. I have judged some who feel strongly about doing right in the midst of this pandemic and have picked fights with close ones I know I should not have. I am just as wrong in boxing people and I am no better than anyone else around me. I do not want to be on one side of anything. So I have made a commitment to challenge myself with opening up had conversations that bring tension. I hope for all of us to seek love and not disagreement anymore.
It all starts with a persons fruit. Look for their fruit. If their fruit is lovely and wonderful and friendly and authentic… Who cares if they decided to get vaccinated or not.
This, my friends, is the psyche of an uncensored writer.
XOXO,
Kelly.