At Firefly, then Shaky Beats Music Festival, I was seeking an alternative reality. I was in a joyful place during this time in my life. I had just finished my junior year of college, ready to experience a summer out in the Sierra Nevada mountains. There was something distinctly different happening inside of me where my mind was growing more and more curious about life and the wonderful world around me. I was ready to experience the unknown and the unthinkable. I was ready to take risks and give up total control of any plans for something greater, though I didn’t know what that greater thing was at the time. Though often I did speak of this something greater as “the Universe.” I wanted to be one with it and I thought that consuming the drug molly at these festivals would enhance the joy and harmony I was already feeling sober. Sure, it was fun and memorable, but those moments on drugs were only fleeting. Not to mention a not-so-fun and memorable come down from it. Instead, two years later I finally found the perfect alternative reality, the full wholeness and transformation I had sought out for three years, love in totality as I like to call it, that was not fleeting but certainly life-giving. Eternal even. And guess what… I didn’t need to roll on molly to find it. The first step was to put down the drugs and alcohol for three months, fly out to California and spend the summer of 2017 frolicking around on a farm in the middle of the mountains with a bunch of beautiful kids.
Been hittin’ it with my book lately.
WOW IS SHE TALKING ABOUT DRUGS? Yes, I am. Every aspect of my story is important, it all points to something. All of it has been used. Most, if not all, of my experiences pointed toward something. But the lily pads I lept about on to get there wasn’t all pure and wonderful to a lot of ears. But at this point, I know what I’m supposed to do. And it’s to lay my heart on the table, even if it reveals the poor decisions I’ve made along the way. I ain’t ashamed of them, I’m free from them. So now, I graciously share them with you.
Why do we long for a euphoric experience? Is the euphoric experience worth the heavy aftermath? Why does the human race gravitate toward a fantasy world and mystery in the first place? Why is it that we desire to achieve a different level of consciousness? What does this all mean? What does this highlight about the individual human heart? What does this reveal about our human experience? I’ll leave you with this to ponder on today. Subscribe and more reflection and dissection to come.
XOXO,
Kelly.